Poems by a Fed-Up (but Otherwise Really Happy) Atheist

To Republicans Who Don’t Like Trump

To those of you declaring Trump is not your Party’s face,
I say to you: Oh yes, he is. Behold your Party’s base!
Trump typifies the hatred and the anger perfectly:
The ignorance, the ugliness, the naked bigotry.
The utter disregard for facts; the anti-foreign spite;
The brazen incivility; the itching for a fight.

To call yourself Republican, your views must be the same,
Or close enough – you’re registered! – so you’re, in part, to blame.
For years, you’ve let Fox News distort the truth with lies and hate;
Elected Party leaders who let anger germinate;
Stayed loyal as they propagated dread and discontent;
Kept voting for the GOP, and what they represent.
You listened as Rush Limbaugh planted seeds of rage and fear:
You reap the crop you sow, you know, and Reaping Day is here.

And now we’re stuck with Donald Trump, an egomaniac,
A lewd and crude misogynist, a lying racist hack.
(To those appalled by Trump who now self-righteously complain:
If you’re like most, and didn’t vote, you’re equally to blame!
Eight-five percent of you thought staying home was fine –
By giving up your right to vote, you lost your right to whine.)

Your Party fanned the fires of rage, and look what’s come to be:
Mobs of screaming people. Trump as Nominee.
By cultivating anger, they have brought us to this place.
You see that sea of pitchforks? That’s your Party’s base.
Trump’s the face of anger that the Grand Old Party grew
With support (or loyal silence) from Republicans like you.

Kim Davis would rather go to jail than issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. She has nothing against gays, she hastens to assure us. It’s just that marriage is supposed to be certain way. You know: excluding gays.

She seems to think marriage laws can never change. That society never changes.

Kim Davis: It’s time you learned — times change!

Kim Davis: Marriage Laws Change!

The Bible says a man can buy a wife – just name a price! (Genesis 29:18-21)
Some men can have a bunch of wives! (For them, that must be nice.) (1 Kings 11:3)
You want a wife? Just rape a pretty virgin, and she’s yours! (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)
Or heck, just go and grab her. Collect ’em fighting wars! (Judges 21:20-24)
The Bible lists some awful ways that marriage was arranged;
Kim Davis, aren’t you grateful that the marriage laws have changed?

Inter-racial marriages were banned not long ago.
One couple, different colors? The public said, “Hell no!”
“Everybody” knew ’twas wrong to marry black and white!
It took ’til ’sixty-seven for the Court to set it right.
“It’s sinful and unnatural!” the public screamed, deranged.
Kim Davis, don’t you think ’twas fair the marriage law was changed?

Again, the law banned marriage to a faithful loving pair;
Again, it took the Court to set it right and make it fair;
Why shouldn’t gay folks marry whom they want to, just like you?
News flash! To all Kim Davises: Gays are people, too!
Believe gay marriage sinful – but though you find it strange,
Kim Davis, you are not “The Law!” Face it, laws can change!

’Twas Kims of old who cried the Earth did NOT go ’round the Sun;
And Kims who upheld slavery. (God’s will was being done.)
And Kims who fought ’gainst women’s rights. (A woman just obeys.)
And Kims who surely shrieked to us we shouldn’t leave the caves!
The Kims resist all progress. They want things kept the same.
Kim Davis, take a look around! It’s time to learn: Times change.

Kim Davis, do your job and issue licenses, or quit.
Stop claiming it’s against you’re faith. We’re really sick of it.
We have a Constitution. We’re equal: Straight and gay.
We all can marry equally, despite what you might say.
Be bigoted in private! Your public job’s the same.
Kim Davis, stop disgracing us! You heap upon us shame.



Some People Down In Texas….

Some people down in Texas carry guns for their protection.
Deadly weapons, violent deaths? There’s surely no connection –
Uh-oh! Rival bikers have a shootout in a bar!
Twenty-seven dead and injured! (You see how safe guns are?)
Of course those guys weren’t good guys. They were gonna kill someone;
But just how many would have died, if no one had a gun?

Some people down in Texas really hate Obamacare.
No Medicaid expansion for low income folks down there!
Too bad if they need health care! Screw the uninsured!
Too bad if they get sicker cuz their health care is deferred!
Block Obama’s policies! Just let the dying wait!
(You think they’d play with politics if their lives were at stake?)

Some people down in Texas cried, “The textbooks are absurd!
We can’t make kids conservative when Doctrine is obscured!
The Ten Commandments! Moses! That’s what shaped our Constitution!
Climate change – if it exists! – is NOT caused by pollution!
How dare the books say slavery! ‘Twas Atlantic Trading Acts!”
And so they set those textbooks straight by twisting up the facts.

Some people down in Texas felt their rights had been abused.
“Tyranny!” “Oppression!” – were some words they often used.
How dare the Feds impinge upon the Texans’ sovereign ways?
How dare they strike down laws that say NO MARRYING FOR GAYS?
Illegal domination! Interference! Subjugation! –
Poor Texans! So repressed, they try seceding from the nation!

[It just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?]

Some people down in Texas got all panicked by a map!
It labelled Texas “hostile”! The Feds have set a trap!
They’ll attack through secret tunnels and establish martial law!
They’ll confiscate all firearms! They’ll brainwash ma and pa!
The Governor calls up the Guard. (The state has gone insane!
Hey guys! It’s just a military exercise, a game!)

Some people down in Texas have some pretty wacky views;
You think they must be joking, ‘til you see them on the news.
Conspiracies! Invasions! Persecution! State secession!
Fear that leftists might swoop-in to brainwash and oppress ‘em!


They make us laugh! They make us cry. They certainly perplex us;
They’re just a little crazy, are some people down in Texas.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Some links to events referenced in the poem:

  • Nine dead, eighteen injured in Texas biker shootout. (Good thing they had all those guns to keep ’em safe, right?)
  • Gallup Poll: A majority of Americans think guns make us safer. (Hello! Do you watch the news?)
  • Here’s what I think about guns and safety.
  • Oh, how timely! Another shooting! Not in Texas, but the question remains: How many of those nine church-goers would have died if the shooter didn’t have a gun?
  • Texas Governor Rick Perry refuses to expand Medicaid. (The guy who prays for rain thinks it’s “foolish” to give over a million low-income people access to affordable health care.)
  • Well whaddya know, Texas textbooks are inaccurate and biased. (Is anyone surprised?)
  • A Texan education: Sometimes they just make stuff up! (Okay, it’s crazy even for Texas.)
  • Texas doesn’t need to secede! They were illegally annexed and therefore never part of the Union! Really! See what the Republic of Texas proclaims. Sneak preview: EVICT ALL PROGRESSIVES! (Talk about oppression!)
  • Federal judge strikes down Texas’ ban on same-sex marriage, and some people down in Texas are pissed.  (Poor Texans, being told they can’t continue to openly discriminate against gays.)
  • Chuck Norris and other Texans warn of possible federal invasion and martial law! (And they insist they’re not paranoid. Wow.)
  • Texas Governor deploys State Guard against Obama takeover! (Gonna sic the Texas State Guard on the U.S. Military, eh? We’ll see how that goes.)

* Stupid!

There are folks who’d rather screw the poor, for tax breaks for the wealthy; *
Who’d rather throw up roadblocks than ensure that folks are healthy; *
Who rush to buy assault guns after kids are massacred, *
And yell that Santa’s white, not black, and that’s the final word! *
Who – unbelievably – believe there’s a guy up there named “God,” *
And a simple “Happy Holidays” puts their panties in a wad; *
Who hate hate HATE all government, but love their Medicare; *
And scream, “Deport the immigrants!” but like the work they bear; *
Who disdain the claim that climate change imperils you or me, *
Yet cry that same-sex marriage wrecks our whole society – *

To all you hard-right-wingers who denounce, distort, delay,
So fearful of all progress that you block it every way,
Priorities all backwards! Arguments not lucid!
My heart-felt wish for you this year?

Stop being so damn stupid!

Fingers in Their Ears

Polls indicate that most Americans want a balanced approach to the fiscal cliff problem, with both spending cuts and revenue increases to solve our financial imbalance.

But Republicans in Congress refuse to raise revenue at all, even by closing tax loopholes for the wealthy.

Fingers in their Ears

Republicans in Congress drone their same-old tired chant:
“Compromise with Democrats? We never will! We shan’t!
Cut spending and close loopholes? Our constituents say no!”
And Republicans across the States cry, “Wait! That isn’t so!”

But Republicans in Congress say, “We’ll carry out your wish!
You’d rather cut the milit’ry than tax the super-rich!
We’ll keep those loopholes open while we cut with all our might!”
And Republicans across the States cry, “Stop! That is not right!”

But Republicans in Congress say, “We’re listening to you!
You’d rather risk recession than to increase revenue!
The rich, they need their money. Our schools can take the hit!”
And Republicans across the States cry, “That’s certainly not it!”

But Republicans in Congress say, “We’ll do just what you’ve asked!
You’ll pay more in spending cuts; the rich, though, won’t be taxed!”

We say that we want balance. We’ve asked them this for years!
“We’re listening!” they pledge to us . . .  with fingers in their ears.

The Price of Safety

The world was saddened and horrified by the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut.

The NRA’s response? Put more guns in schools.


The Price of Safety

The NRA says lots of guns will help to keep us safe!
Fill our homes and church and school, and arm the office place!
To protect his family, fathers stockpile guns of every size,
And women fill their purses up with pistols, as is wise.
There are crazy people out there. You never know just who.
So all the neighbors hurry out, and they buy weapons, too.

And teachers carry rifles to defend the school hall;
And shoppers strap their pistols on ‘fore heading to the mall;
And waitresses wear handguns as they work at the café;
And parents pack revolvers to the soccer field each day;
Ministers give sermons proudly sporting guns on hips,
And rejoice to see the faithful with their armaments and clips.
Mailmen and secretaries, bakers, clerks, and more
Bring shotguns to the office, to the courthouse, park or store.

And just because they love them, parents give their children Glocks.
They stuff ‘em into backpacks, down their pockets, into socks.
Safely armed with loaded guns, the kids go out to play.
My kid won’t get pushed around!” their parents proudly say.

Yes, just like in the Wild West, each person packs a gun.
It was peaceful – safe and civilized! – back when the West was won.
The best defense is good offense! No one would attack
A person who, if shot at, would then surely shoot them back!
And every day, a weapon kills a child (or two or three).
Well, that’s the price of safety. You know, safety isn’t free.

Now, a bar fight can explode from just two people to a brawl;
So a shouting match can likewise spark a gunfight free-for-all
When someone feels insulted, or someone runs a light,
Or someone who is crazy starts to pick a crazy fight.

And while you would never panic, someone maybe could,
And maybe they start shooting cuz their judgment’s not so good.
Then everyone starts grabbing for their Lugers and their Colts,
They’re whipping out their Winchesters and throwing home the bolts,
M-16s and Uzis are unveiled for self-defense:
Thank God we can protect ourselves from those who have no sense!
Guns are raised and shots are heard – from here? Or over there?
And the hordes of well-intentioned spray their bullets everywhere.

And later, when we count our dead who’re piled everyplace,
Will we still believe the NRA, that guns will keep us safe?

Family Values, GOP-Style

Family Values, GOP-Style

They thump their King James bibles as they preach morality;
They boast of “family values” like they’re pure as pure can be;
They condemn you if you’re different: You’re deviants! Misfits!
But the ”family values” party is awash with hypocrites.

Jimmy Swaggart preached the Word of God to millions on TV,
He called gay marriage asinine, perverse stupidity.
But he couldn’t quit those prostitutes, this family values whiz;
A monogamous gay marriage is more virtuous than his.

Mark Foley, fighting child porn, seemed worthy of applause.
He vilified the pedophiles, he called for tougher laws.
And yet he texted graphic stuff to boys not yet eighteen;
The ones who yell the loudest are not always what they seem.

Newt Gingrich, family values guy, cried morals were too lax.
He helped impeach the president for lying ‘bout some facts.
He denounced all shoddy morals (was he with wife Two or Three?),
As his mistress gave him blow jobs. Yeah, more hypocrisy.

Ted Haggard cried that gayness, impure sex and drugs were sin.
“Keep mind and body pure in Christ!” he’d say with toothy grin.
But he liked his male prostitutes. He liked his crystal meth.
He’d condemn it, then he’d do it. Jeez, show your God respect.

John Ensign, as a Promise Keeper, fought for “purity.”
Committed to strong marriages, he preached fidelity.
He cheated with a good friend’s wife despite his righteous stance:
Another family values guy can’t keep it in his pants.

Mark Sanford, Southern Governor, was big on honesty.
(I think that what he really meant was “everyone but me.”)
He lied ‘bout going hiking and he lied ‘bout his affair.
The GOP’s hypocrisy is damn near everywhere!

Larry Craig and ole Jim Bakker, Tom DeLay  and Eddie Long:
The sex and money scandals from these guys goes on and on!
They brag about their values, but you really have to doubt:
They lie and cheat, wreck marriages, and kick their gay kids out.

Who treats families made of immigrants with decency, not scorn?
Who cares about the lives of kids beyond the time they’re born?
Who says that gays can marry and raise kids, like you and me?
Who stands for family values? It ain’t the GOP!

The GOP hurts families, despite the stuff they shout.
For authentic family values, check the other party out.

Gambling With Our Fate

Gambling With Our Fate

You mock whoever dares to think that climate change is true.
You’re scornful of the scientists (who might know more than you).
You sneer at rising temperatures, at droughts and floods and storms.
You snort that it’s just cyclical: Earth cools and Earth warms.

I guess you think you’re awfully smart, denouncing experts’ views.
I guess you haven’t figured out you just can’t trust Fox News.
The scientists could all be wrong about our dire plight;
The problem for the planet, though, is: what if they are right?

Such arrogance, to just dismiss what all the experts say!
Such selfishness, to carry on when you don’t have to pay!
Such recklessness, to roar for drilling oil! Burning coal!
Such foolishness, to think that our emissions have no toll!
Such irresponsibility, to gamble with our fate!
I fear that you won’t smarten up until it’s way too late.

It’d be fine if your short-sightedness affected only you.
But denying this whole issue hurts your kids and grandkids, too.
Why are you so unconcerned, with facts this worrisome?
You’re either really selfish, or else you’re really dumb.

Wrong (again)

Wrong (again)

“There’s nothing wrong with slavery!” you cried with all your might.
“It’s sanctioned in the Bible!” (And by God, you know, you’re right.)
’Twas tradition that the upper class owned property like slaves.
You treat your blacks quite well, you claimed (as long as they behaved).
But giving slaves their freedom? To treat them just like white?
You cried that it’s not natural! It’s unheard-of! It’s not right!

You explained the color of their skin was proof of lower race.
You held no malice towards them, they just had to know their place.
Slavery was tradition. The way it’d always been.
’Twas written in the Bible, so to change it was a sin!
You thought the color of your skin made you superior,
But the rest of us all saw you as the racist that you were.

With women, you were adamant: they shouldn’t work or vote!
“Women must submit to men!” was a favorite Bible quote.
’Twas tradition they made babies, that they cooked and kept the home;
A woman’s place was certainly not equal to your own!
Men always ran the household: in their homes, they were the king.
It’d been this way for all these years, why change a single thing?

You explained how fragile women were, not logical or smart.
You held no malice towards them, they just had to know their part.
To rule was tradition. The way it’d always been.
’Twas written in the Bible, so to change it was a sin!
You thought God made it obvious that they’re inferior,
But the rest of us all saw you as the sexist that you were.

And now we come to marriage ’tween two people who are gay.
Stop right there! Just let me guess at what you’re gonna say!
You’ll talk about tradition ’tween a man and woman pair;
You’ll quote your Bible verses (homophobic and unfair).
You’ll say it isn’t natural. That being gay’s a sin.
(You can no more choose your gayness than the color of your skin.)
Armed with hateful Bible quotes, you feel so justified;
(Cuz you’ve never known the Bible to have been on the wrong side!)

You’ll explain you really love gays. You really really do!
You hold no malice towards them, they should just be straight, like you.
Marriage is tradition. The way it’s always been.
It’s written in the Bible, so to change it is a sin!
You think that you’re so righteous, such a moral superstar,
But the rest of us all see you as the bigot that you are.

You make the same old arguments! Forgive me if I’m shrill:
‘Twas discrimination earlier! You’re discriminating still!
You like to fight ’gainst civil rights, but every time you’re wrong.
In time the country grows ashamed of the side you’re always on.
Here’s why you’ll lose this battle (like the other fights you fought):
It’s pure discrimination!

You can marry.

They cannot.

Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee

Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee
Were voted in by you and me.
Each one argued different sides,
Then hammered out a compromise.
And afterwards they’d have a drink,
And talk and argue; reason, think.
And just because they disagreed
Neither one once felt the need
To call one side “unpatriotic.”
(A charge that’s clearly idiotic!)

Now, Tweedle Dee felt passionately
That all should have equality.
And so he fought for civil rights:
Equal treatment: blacks and whites!
Equal treatment: straight and gay!
For everyone! In every way!

But Tweedle Dum cried, “Lower taxes!”
And “Government, get off our backses!”
(Which really doesn’t make much sense
Since Tweedle Dum’s constituents
Walk around with hands outstretched
For monthly governmental checks.
Where’d they think the money’s from?
From taxes, people! Don’t be dumb!)
You’d think they’d give Dum second looks –
They vote against their pocketbooks!

Now, Tweedle Dum began to think
It might look weak to have a drink
With Tweedle Dee; Dum could be wrong,
But more important is looking strong!
So with all the wisdom Dum implies,
He vowed to never compromise.
Tweedle Dee would try, you know.
But Tweedle Dum just stuck with no.

No to helping those who’re poor.
No immigrants allowed, for sure!
No to marriage if you’re gay!
No taxing rich folks! No! No way!
No to all who are not wealthy.
No to health care! (Hope you’re healthy.)
No abortions! No exceptions!
No to gun control suggestions!
No, there is no climate change!
No if it seems new or strange!

If Dee had something to propose,
Dum would block it with his “no’s.”
Whatever Tweedle Dee might say,
Tweedle Dum would block his way.
Even things that Dum proposed
If Dee agreed, Dum then opposed!
Tweedle Dee would cry, “Not fair!”
But Tweedle Dum just didn’t care.
Dum blocked Dee at every turn.
Let the country crash and burn!

The people cried for unity,
And Tweedle Dum blamed Tweedle Dee
For all those no’s, for all our woes –
Dum just lies, the record shows.
And Tweedle Dum’s constituents
(Who, as I said, don’t have much sense)
Believed Fox News, who said that Dum
Was blameless and that Dee was scum!

So things got worse, more polarized.
Drinks were out (like compromise).
The Tweedles fought, got nothing done,
Yet voters kept both Dee and Dum.

So Dee, with scant majority,
Pushed through bills alone, did he.
Dum was angry, let it show,
But work at all with Dee? Hell, no!
Dum wanted everything his way.
He wouldn’t budge. He wouldn’t sway.
The country stalled; Dum didn’t care.
The country needs Dum outta there!

So let’s be clear: we all know that
“Dee” is short for Democrat.
We also know why things are crummy:
Cuz “Dum,” of course, is short for . . .

.    .    .     .    .Republican



Like A Peasant In The Iron Age

As a Christian, I am proud to be as modern and as wise
As a peasant in the Iron Age. I think just like those guys!

God made the world. He runs it still. Such logic can’t be flawed.
It’s easy to explain the world: “It’s all because of God.”
God makes the mighty thunderclaps. That’s all I need to know.
God keeps the airplanes in the air. God makes the light bulbs glow.
God gives us cancer (who knows why!), then makes it go away.
I doubt it was the chemo. I bet it’s cuz we pray.
God keeps the earth in orbit. God makes the sky that hue.
God’s in that little magic shot that helps us fight the flu.
I never have to question why the tides go in and out –
“God does it!” is my answer. It’s so easy not to doubt!

Science builds on “evidence.” That makes me want to fight.
Won’t listen to another view! I won’t! (What if it’s right?)
If science contradicts my Book, then science must be wrong.
I won’t let stupid “facts” disturb the views I’ve held so long!
All the answers that I need are within my Bible’s covers.
It’d be the only school text if I could have my druthers.
I hardly think a scientist today could really know
More than what those peasants knew two thousand years ago!

They’re superstitious, super-stubborn, super-stupid – golly gee!
Those peasants in the Iron Age sure sound a lot like me!
In context and in history, though, the peasant’s much more wise.
He’d never heard of science. I’ve closed my mind and eyes.

Take Off Your Christian Glasses

Take off your Christian glasses! Be brave and take a glance!
Imagine there’s no God up there, that life began by chance.
No God is listening to your prayers (so don’t expect an answer);
No God accounts for suffering, catastrophes and cancer.
Yet music, art, hope and beauty, love and joy remain:
A world with God, a world without – well gosh, it looks the same.

Take off your Christian glasses! Check out the other side.
What makes you so reluctant? Is your faith mixed up with pride?
Do you cling to Christian teachings out of fear – or maybe dread?
It’s really not that terrible to think that dead is dead.
You’re on a precious planet; you have one precious life.
Don’t live as in the Iron Age! Come, step into the light!

Take off your Christian glasses! Take an honest look.
The Bible’s full of errors, friend. It’s not that great a book.
Think about it this way, from another point of view:
Does your minister or science have more cause to twist what’s true?
See the world around you, all those mysteries to be solved!
Not knowing (yet) the answer doesn’t mean that God’s involved.

Take off your Christian glasses! The world’s not so changed.
You’re still a moral person, but your mind is now unchained!
Life isn’t all that different in the non-religious crowd:
No time is wasted in a church, no time’s spent being cowed.
Whatever you attempt in life, you do in your own name.
You deserve to get some credit, instead of just the blame.
You worked hard (or had some luck) – it’s not that you were “blessed.”
Don’t waste your time on pleas and prayers  – go forth and do your best!

In the end, it doesn’t matter if you think God’s there or not:
The tide goes in, the tide goes out, no matter what you’re taught.
The sun keeps rising in the east, and setting in the west.
You can hide behind those glasses; you can chant: “It’s God! We’re blessed!”
But science offers answers that explain the sun and tides:
Take off those Christian glasses! They deceive your mind and eyes!

You want to know the answers and believe what’s really true?
You don’t believe in Thor or Zeus – let go of God now, too!
Take a look at evidence, put all things to the test.
Do you really think a talking snake explains the world best?
Take off your Christian glasses if it’s knowledge that you seek:
You could lose your faith – but gain the truth!

That’s worth a teeny peek.

GOP and Debt Ceiling

The GOP Finally Raises The Debt Ceiling

The GOP congress seems to want to be praised:
Woo hoo! Got our way! Woo hoo, taxes weren’t raised!
Woo hoo! Cut big bucks from the sick and the old!
Woo hoo! Wealthy friends keep their yachts and their gold!

But all those republicans should now be recalled:
They held us all hostage as the economy stalled.
They irresponsibly, recklessly held a hard line,
Didn’t care the whole country might suffer, decline.
They’re naysayers. Bullies. They’re  zealots. They’re haters.
Almost took down the country!

They’re practically traitors.

I Believe In Leprechauns!

I believe in leprechauns! They’re real! Just  take a look:
It’s all been written down right here, in the Holy Clover Book!
The Clover Book is ancient. Its teachings all are True.
“Leprechauns are real,” it says – do you believe now, too?
Don’t denigrate the Clover Book, that disrespects my faith.
Accept and praise the leprechauns, or else your soul’s not safe!

You’ve never seen a leprechaun? I’ve never seen your God.
How to know which one is real, and which one is a fraud?
Well, take a look around you! I’ll prove my case with ease:
Grass and trees make oxygen, the very stuff you breathe!
You think it’s just coincidence that green plants make our air?
The explanation’s obvious: the leprechauns were there!
Don’t talk of photosynthesis, one theory you might find.
Teach leprechauns in science class! Let kids make up their mind!

At the end of every rainbow –  I’m sure that you’ve been told –
Is a kettle from the leprechauns, overflowing with pure gold.
If, in your heart, is honest faith,  those riches you’ll receive!
If you haven’t found the kettle yet, be patient! Just believe!

So no one’s seen a leprechaun in, oh, two thousand years?
But here’s a face! Right on my toast! It cried real greenish tears!
So how do you explain that? It’s a miracle! A sign!
What further proof is needed to convince you they’re divine?
I know that leprechauns exist, I feel it in my heart!
You can’t let science trick you! Trust leprechauns! Be smart!

There’s only one condition. On this they’re very firm:
Once a day you must lie down, and wriggle like a worm.
Don’t question why they ask it. We cannot understand.
But since they do command it, better do it or be damned!
Their ways are quite mysterious; they’re greater than are we.
Obey the ancient Clover Book! Obey, and you’ll be free!

Whatever you might point to, and say “This comes from God!”
I can say “’Twas leprechauns!” Come on, now, prove me flawed!
But see? You cannot do it. And so my faith is strong.
I shut my ears to logic, and pray to leprechauns.

How is it that Christians feel qualified to proclaim what atheists think or feel?

  • Atheists are filled with despair
  • Atheists lead empty, meaningless lives
  • Atheists dread death
  • Atheists are immoral

Have they even talked to an atheist? Because they’ve got it all wrong.

Atheists aren’t despairing. We don’t lead empty, meaningless lives. Because we don’t believe in an afterlife, or any hocus-pocus god-figures, we find joy and meaning in the here-and-now. We build rich and fulfilling lives for ourselves around family, personal relationships, our work and hobbies. We strive to leave the world a better place. We try to get as much as we can out of this life, because this is the only life we’ll have. So we fill it with joy and happiness.

Most of us don’t dread death, either. Why dread nothingness? It’s not such a bad state. The 1500’s weren’t a bad time for me; I wasn’t alive. Similarly, the 2500’s won’t be a bad time for me: I won’t be alive then, either. Christians may have more to dread than we do: they are often bombarded with the angry-god scenario – if you don’t do such-and-such, you’ll burn in hell! If you don’t believe thus-and-so, you’ll be tortured for eternity!

Now that’s some scary stuff. I can see why Christians might dread death.  Getting into heaven might be a little dicey. You don’t want to go through the wrong door. What if God is having a bad day on Judgment Day? What if God is angrier about that little episode in college than you realized?

If I were a Christian, I’d be biting my nails. I might even feel (this is ironic!) despair.

And atheists certainly aren’t immoral. I hope it won’t come as a disappointment to Christians to learn that being a Christian does not automatically confer moral standing. Reading the Bible and believing in God does not automatically give you moral bragging rights.

Have you read the Bible? (There’s a poem in a previous post you might like to read!)

Atheists know, just as well as you do, that it’s wrong to lie, or steal, or hurt others. We don’t need the Bible to tell us this. We also don’t need a scary god-daddy standing over us, threatening to hurt us if we aren’t moral. And actually, I suspect you don’t, either.

Here’s a question for you: If God were to somehow appear before us (he’s Real!), and announce unequivocally that he’s done with Earth and humanity, that all bets are off – you can all forget the whole Christianity thing, he’s going away and not coming back – would you Christians suddenly become immoral? Would you suddenly be consumed with the desire to steal, lie, rape, and murder? Would you go out and “live like animals?”

I most emphatically believe the answer is no. I really don’t think you would. Because even though God would no longer be holding a big stick over your heads (or the threat of eternal damnation and hellfire), you know it’s wrong to hurt others.

Just like atheists do.

(And if you don’t know hurting others is fundamentally wrong, then I whole-heartedly urge you to continue believing in God, with his big stick and eternal hellfire!)

Maybe Christians are used to making big sweeping proclamations without any evidence to back it up:

  • God approves of a and b, but doesn’t approve of x and y (often conveniently tracking with whatever issues Christians happen to approve and disapprove of)
  • To get into heaven, you must act such-and-such way, not this other way (which again, will conveniently track with current Christian “values”)
  • Heaven looks like – whatever, fill in the blank: Jesus, family members, God’s right hand, angels with harps, blah blah blah
  • God is for this army, but against that army
  • God says “An eye for an eye!” No, no, wait, he’s changed his mind, now it’s “Turn the other cheek!” He thinks such-and-such now, not thus-and-so (even though both things are in the Bible); but he really means such-and-such now, trust us, we know
  • Evolution is silly/”just a theory”/untrue
  • The earth is 6,000 years old

And the list goes on.

So maybe they can’t help themselves when they proclaim, without evidence or seemingly any knowledge on the subject whatsoever, what atheists think and feel.  Who we are. What we’re like. The extent of our happiness, the depth of our satisfaction, the level of our morality.

I wish they would just ask us, though. Instead of proclaiming for us. Since it’s so conspicuously and preposterously wrong.

So to you Christians out there – the ones who like to pontificate about atheists, the ones who say we’re “despairing” and lead meaningless lives, etc.  – go ahead and proclaim to the world what you yourselves think and feel. About you, yourself. But please don’t tell the world what atheists think and feel.

Because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.

God vs. Dog

God vs. Dog

When feeling lonely in the night, to God some people call,
But my dog is right beside me: she never left at all!
I make the slightest murmur and my dog is by my head,
She gives my hand a friendly lick, she snuggles me in bed.

God’s love is downright chilly: “Do This” and “Don’t Do That.”
(Unless, of course, you break His rules, and feel His fiery wrath.)
His comfort is cerebral. You must obey the laws.
A dog just plain adores you, and overlooks your flaws.

Dog’s love is unconditional; she loves you through and through.
She fills you up with selfless love, she puts no strings on you.
They say that if you listen hard, God’s voice is in your heart.
But no one has to “listen hard” to hear a real-live bark!

Now here’s a Truth: I feel it, from my head down to my feet:
God’s love is on the stern side; a dog’s is oh-so-sweet.
Your soul is feeling empty? There’s meager help from God.
To fill your soul to “overflow,” nothing beats a dog!

Christian Love

Christian Love

Christians are so loving! They love you through and through.
Don’t know a thing about you, but they love you, yes they do!
They’re moral, kind and loving, taking orders from Above;
The world would be a better place if filled with Christian love!

But then a Christian family finds an atheist in their midst:
The retribution’s swift and harsh; it’s shouted and it’s hissed.
Christian loving might include to badger, scream, or shun,
There’s very little tolerance if you beat a different drum.
Families can be torn apart – they simply cannot stand
You to have a different view: it’s their way, or be damned.
They quote their Bible verses; they threaten and they pray,
They won’t respect or listen to a single thing you say.
The vitriol, the hurtfulness – so callous for a dove!
I must confess to needing less if this is Christian love.

There’s a special kind of Christian love if you happen to be gay.
They’ll love you ‘til you’re not yourself, they’ll love the truth away.
They quote their Bible verses: “Accept Jesus and be saved!”
They explain that gays are sinners: “You’re immoral! You’re depraved!”
Their loving God can wipe out towns – vindictively, some claim
God raised a storm, Katrina. It’s those gays who are to blame.
“God hates you!”  and “You make me sick!,” and “You! Repent your ways!”
Hate signs, screams, and beatings, that’s the love they show to gays.
“Change yourself!” “Don’t marry!” It’s more loving (seems to me)
To accept them fully as they are. (Hint hint: equality.)

Christian love is loving? Unless you think like them,
They’ll yell and scream and bully you with classic Christian venom.
Want to hear an atheist pray? Here’s what I’m thinking of:
God save us from this ugliness that some call Christian love.

My poem The Bible Makes You Better? inspired a reply in verse from a reader. I replied, also in verse, on his website. We then launched into a heated and poetic exchange. Read the full “Battle of the Bards” at Bill Peddie’s blog.

Believe It If You Want To

Atheists are baffled: your position makes no sense.
You claim to know what’s true (or not), but have no evidence!
You can’t hold up the Bible as your “proof” – that logic’s bad:
Kind of like a salesman – “It’s true! Just read my ad!”

If you’re gonna claim your story’s real, and that you hold The Truth,
You gotta have a teeny bit of independent proof.
Until you’ve got some evidence (and its testing doesn’t fail),
The stuff you “know” to be so “true” is just a fairy-tale.

So here is what we’re saying: Believe what you believe!
Believe that Christ is risen! Blame everything on Eve!
Believe in all those miracles with wine and loaves and fish,
Believe you’ll live forever! (That is a happy wish.)

But keep your god’s haphazard laws out of public sight:
Don’t dictate who can marry whom, don’t tell me wrong is right.
Don’t teach creation stories in a science class; don’t tell
Those you disapprove of that they’re sinners bound for hell.
When it comes to an abortion, or same-sex wedding rings,
If you believe that they are wrong, then don’t you do those things!
It’s wrong – it’s absolutely wrong – for your religious view
To restrict the lives of others! (You know, the Taliban does that, too.)

So bind your mind with nonsense, flog yourselves for sin,
Pray to God He takes away the mess He put you in.
Believe it in your heart of hearts, believe it without proof,
But the rest of us won’t listen when you rant about “The Truth.”
Until you have some evidence that indicates God’s real,
Spare us all your Christian rules and your religious zeal.
Hear the message, loud and clear, from all non-Christian folk:
Don’t ram your spiteful made-up god down our collective throat.

The Bible Makes You Better?

So atheists have no morals ‘cause we don’t believe in god,
But the Bible gives you morals? I find that rather odd.

God declared to Abraham, “Go kill your only son.” (Genesis 22:2)
In the end, he didn’t have to; but what would you have done?
All kids who “curse their parents” should now be put to death, (Leviticus 20:9)
Plus kill all Sunday workers! (Will anyone be left?)  (Exodus 35:2)
If you rape a virgin, marry her! Then everything is great. (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)
Says God: “Kill men and women; the virgins you can rape.” (Numbers 31:17-18)
A brother rapes his sister; a father tells the crowd, (2 Samuel 13:11-14)
“Gang-rape my virgin daughter!” This Bible makes you proud? (Judges 19:22-24)

God slaughters every firstborn in a fearsome show of might, (Exodus 12:29-30)
Atheists are horrified – hey God! That wasn’t right!
The Bible’s full of murder – did God forget it’s wrong? (1 Chronicles 21:14, Deuteronomy 3:3-7)
Dead women, children, animals – the bloody list goes on.  (2 Kings 10:25, Joshua 6:20-21, Numbers 15:35-36, Deuteronomy 20:16-17, Psalms 137:9, Deuteronomy 13:15-16, Joshua 11:21-22, Ezekiel 9:5-7, Hosea 13:16)

The Bible talks ‘bout buying slaves, just like we buy our bread. (Leviticus 25:44-46)
I wonder why it didn’t say that slavery’s wrong, instead?
Oh here’s a moral teaching! To kill your slave’s a crime. (Exodus 21:20)
But beat him so he’s down for days? Well, that’s completely fine.  (Exodus 21:21)

You believe the Ten Commandments, the “one man one woman” rot,
Gonna kill those Sunday workers? Do you believe, or do you not?
If you stand up for one part of it, you stand up for the rest.
Those virgin rapes, those massacres –  I dare you! Call it blessed.

Atheists know that murder’s wrong; rape and slavery too.
Didn’t learn that from the Bible. Hey Christians – nor did you!
The slaughters, all that raping – you think those things are good?
All those acts should be condemned – a moral person would.
You think you’ve higher morals ‘cause you’ve read that violent book?
The Bible makes you better? Better take another look.

The Conservative Christian

We’re Christians so we’ll help you, but you gotta do your part:
We won’t do nothing for you ’til there’s Jesus in your heart.
Just follow what the Bible says – well, the passages we’re choosing:
God says “Don’t kill,” then slaughters all, so that’s a bit confusing.
Don’t worry ‘bout the slavery, or killing folks with stones,
As long as wives submit to men, you’ll have such happy homes.
We’ll hold up signs like “God hates gays!” and “Burn in hell!” and such,
Don’t think we’re being hateful, ‘cause we love you very much!
We’ll tell you who to marry; how to live and die as well.
And if you don’t agree with us, you’ll surely go to hell.

As conservatives, we’re practical  – so keep our taxes down!
I want my money, dammit. Go someplace else to drown.
Don’t care if you are hungry, if you’re sick or if you’re cold,
Shut up and try to find a job. Too bad if you’re too old.
Give tax cuts to the wealthy! Cut programs to the poor!
Give guns to all Americans! Come on, let’s go to war!
Won’t help you with your healthcare; if you’re poor, I guess you’ll die.
Let’s cut out all the programs upon which I don’t rely.

The Jesus in the Bible always turned the other cheek.
He fed the hungry, healed the sick, stood up for all the weak.
He gave away his money, helped outcasts and the poor,
A jobless homeless bleeding heart? Sounds liberal, that’s for sure!
If Jesus walked the earth today and didn’t have a job,
And talked of peace, and helped the poor, and – gasp – thought he was God,
Christians in their righteous rage might nail him to a cross,
Where he’d likely die without healthcare, since that comes from your boss.

Christians seem deluded since the Bible’s such a mess,
Conservatives seem selfish, but that’s their choice, I guess.
But now I’ll say it plainly, so please don’t throw a fit:
If you’re Christian and not liberal, you’re just a hypocrite.