Some People Down In Texas….
Some people down in Texas carry guns for their protection.
Deadly weapons, violent deaths? There’s surely no connection –
Uh-oh! Rival bikers have a shootout in a bar!
Twenty-seven dead and injured! (You see how safe guns are?)
Of course those guys weren’t good guys. They were gonna kill someone;
But just how many would have died, if no one had a gun?
Some people down in Texas really hate Obamacare.
No Medicaid expansion for low income folks down there!
Too bad if they need health care! Screw the uninsured!
Too bad if they get sicker cuz their health care is deferred!
Block Obama’s policies! Just let the dying wait!
(You think they’d play with politics if their lives were at stake?)
Some people down in Texas cried, “The textbooks are absurd!
We can’t make kids conservative when Doctrine is obscured!
The Ten Commandments! Moses! That’s what shaped our Constitution!
Climate change – if it exists! – is NOT caused by pollution!
How dare the books say slavery! ‘Twas Atlantic Trading Acts!”
And so they set those textbooks straight by twisting up the facts.
Some people down in Texas felt their rights had been abused.
“Tyranny!” “Oppression!” – were some words they often used.
How dare the Feds impinge upon the Texans’ sovereign ways?
How dare they strike down laws that say NO MARRYING FOR GAYS?
Illegal domination! Interference! Subjugation! –
Poor Texans! So repressed, they try seceding from the nation!
[It just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?]
Some people down in Texas got all panicked by a map!
It labelled Texas “hostile”! The Feds have set a trap!
They’ll attack through secret tunnels and establish martial law!
They’ll confiscate all firearms! They’ll brainwash ma and pa!
The Governor calls up the Guard. (The state has gone insane!
Hey guys! It’s just a military exercise, a game!)
Some people down in Texas have some pretty wacky views;
You think they must be joking, ‘til you see them on the news.
Conspiracies! Invasions! Persecution! State secession!
Fear that leftists might swoop-in to brainwash and oppress ‘em!
They make us laugh! They make us cry. They certainly perplex us;
They’re just a little crazy, are some people down in Texas.
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Some links to events referenced in the poem:
- Nine dead, eighteen injured in Texas biker shootout. (Good thing they had all those guns to keep ’em safe, right?)
- Gallup Poll: A majority of Americans think guns make us safer. (Hello! Do you watch the news?)
- Here’s what I think about guns and safety.
- Oh, how timely! Another shooting! Not in Texas, but the question remains: How many of those nine church-goers would have died if the shooter didn’t have a gun?
- Texas Governor Rick Perry refuses to expand Medicaid. (The guy who prays for rain thinks it’s “foolish” to give over a million low-income people access to affordable health care.)
- Well whaddya know, Texas textbooks are inaccurate and biased. (Is anyone surprised?)
- A Texan education: Sometimes they just make stuff up! (Okay, it’s crazy even for Texas.)
- Texas doesn’t need to secede! They were illegally annexed and therefore never part of the Union! Really! See what the Republic of Texas proclaims. Sneak preview: EVICT ALL PROGRESSIVES! (Talk about oppression!)
- Federal judge strikes down Texas’ ban on same-sex marriage, and some people down in Texas are pissed. (Poor Texans, being told they can’t continue to openly discriminate against gays.)
- Chuck Norris and other Texans warn of possible federal invasion and martial law! (And they insist they’re not paranoid. Wow.)
- Texas Governor deploys State Guard against Obama takeover! (Gonna sic the Texas State Guard on the U.S. Military, eh? We’ll see how that goes.)