I Believe In Leprechauns!
I believe in leprechauns! They’re real! Just take a look:
It’s all been written down right here, in the Holy Clover Book!
The Clover Book is ancient. Its teachings all are True.
“Leprechauns are real,” it says – do you believe now, too?
Don’t denigrate the Clover Book, that disrespects my faith.
Accept and praise the leprechauns, or else your soul’s not safe!
You’ve never seen a leprechaun? I’ve never seen your God.
How to know which one is real, and which one is a fraud?
Well, take a look around you! I’ll prove my case with ease:
Grass and trees make oxygen, the very stuff you breathe!
You think it’s just coincidence that green plants make our air?
The explanation’s obvious: the leprechauns were there!
Don’t talk of photosynthesis, one theory you might find.
Teach leprechauns in science class! Let kids make up their mind!
At the end of every rainbow – I’m sure that you’ve been told –
Is a kettle from the leprechauns, overflowing with pure gold.
If, in your heart, is honest faith, those riches you’ll receive!
If you haven’t found the kettle yet, be patient! Just believe!
So no one’s seen a leprechaun in, oh, two thousand years?
But here’s a face! Right on my toast! It cried real greenish tears!
So how do you explain that? It’s a miracle! A sign!
What further proof is needed to convince you they’re divine?
I know that leprechauns exist, I feel it in my heart!
You can’t let science trick you! Trust leprechauns! Be smart!
There’s only one condition. On this they’re very firm:
Once a day you must lie down, and wriggle like a worm.
Don’t question why they ask it. We cannot understand.
But since they do command it, better do it or be damned!
Their ways are quite mysterious; they’re greater than are we.
Obey the ancient Clover Book! Obey, and you’ll be free!
Whatever you might point to, and say “This comes from God!”
I can say “’Twas leprechauns!” Come on, now, prove me flawed!
But see? You cannot do it. And so my faith is strong.
I shut my ears to logic, and pray to leprechauns.