Poems by a Fed-Up (but Otherwise Really Happy) Atheist

Posts tagged ‘Liberal’

Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee

Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee

Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee
Were voted in by you and me.
Each one argued different sides,
Then hammered out a compromise.
And afterwards they’d have a drink,
And talk and argue; reason, think.
And just because they disagreed
Neither one once felt the need
To call one side “unpatriotic.”
(A charge that’s clearly idiotic!)

Now, Tweedle Dee felt passionately
That all should have equality.
And so he fought for civil rights:
Equal treatment: blacks and whites!
Equal treatment: straight and gay!
For everyone! In every way!

But Tweedle Dum cried, “Lower taxes!”
And “Government, get off our backses!”
(Which really doesn’t make much sense
Since Tweedle Dum’s constituents
Walk around with hands outstretched
For monthly governmental checks.
Where’d they think the money’s from?
From taxes, people! Don’t be dumb!)
You’d think they’d give Dum second looks –
They vote against their pocketbooks!

Now, Tweedle Dum began to think
It might look weak to have a drink
With Tweedle Dee; Dum could be wrong,
But more important is looking strong!
So with all the wisdom Dum implies,
He vowed to never compromise.
Tweedle Dee would try, you know.
But Tweedle Dum just stuck with no.

No to helping those who’re poor.
No immigrants allowed, for sure!
No to marriage if you’re gay!
No taxing rich folks! No! No way!
No to all who are not wealthy.
No to health care! (Hope you’re healthy.)
No abortions! No exceptions!
No to gun control suggestions!
No, there is no climate change!
No if it seems new or strange!

If Dee had something to propose,
Dum would block it with his “no’s.”
Whatever Tweedle Dee might say,
Tweedle Dum would block his way.
Even things that Dum proposed
If Dee agreed, Dum then opposed!
Tweedle Dee would cry, “Not fair!”
But Tweedle Dum just didn’t care.
Dum blocked Dee at every turn.
Let the country crash and burn!

The people cried for unity,
And Tweedle Dum blamed Tweedle Dee
For all those no’s, for all our woes –
Dum just lies, the record shows.
And Tweedle Dum’s constituents
(Who, as I said, don’t have much sense)
Believed Fox News, who said that Dum
Was blameless and that Dee was scum!

So things got worse, more polarized.
Drinks were out (like compromise).
The Tweedles fought, got nothing done,
Yet voters kept both Dee and Dum.

So Dee, with scant majority,
Pushed through bills alone, did he.
Dum was angry, let it show,
But work at all with Dee? Hell, no!
Dum wanted everything his way.
He wouldn’t budge. He wouldn’t sway.
The country stalled; Dum didn’t care.
The country needs Dum outta there!

So let’s be clear: we all know that
“Dee” is short for Democrat.
We also know why things are crummy:
Cuz “Dum,” of course, is short for . . .

.    .    .     .    .Republican

 

 

GOP and Debt Ceiling

The GOP Finally Raises The Debt Ceiling

The GOP congress seems to want to be praised:
Woo hoo! Got our way! Woo hoo, taxes weren’t raised!
Woo hoo! Cut big bucks from the sick and the old!
Woo hoo! Wealthy friends keep their yachts and their gold!

But all those republicans should now be recalled:
They held us all hostage as the economy stalled.
They irresponsibly, recklessly held a hard line,
Didn’t care the whole country might suffer, decline.
They’re naysayers. Bullies. They’re  zealots. They’re haters.
Almost took down the country!

They’re practically traitors.

The Conservative Christian

The Conservative Christian

We’re Christians so we’ll help you, but you gotta do your part:
We won’t do nothing for you ’til there’s Jesus in your heart.
Just follow what the Bible says – well, the passages we’re choosing:
God says “Don’t kill,” then slaughters all, so that’s a bit confusing.
Don’t worry ‘bout the slavery, or killing folks with stones,
As long as wives submit to men, you’ll have such happy homes.
We’ll hold up signs like “God hates gays!” and “Burn in hell!” and such,
Don’t think we’re being hateful, ‘cause we love you very much!
We’ll tell you who to marry; how to live and die as well.
And if you don’t agree with us, you’ll surely go to hell.

As conservatives, we’re practical  – so keep our taxes down!
I want my money, dammit. Go someplace else to drown.
Don’t care if you are hungry, if you’re sick or if you’re cold,
Shut up and try to find a job. Too bad if you’re too old.
Give tax cuts to the wealthy! Cut programs to the poor!
Give guns to all Americans! Come on, let’s go to war!
Won’t help you with your healthcare; if you’re poor, I guess you’ll die.
Let’s cut out all the programs upon which I don’t rely.

The Jesus in the Bible always turned the other cheek.
He fed the hungry, healed the sick, stood up for all the weak.
He gave away his money, helped outcasts and the poor,
A jobless homeless bleeding heart? Sounds liberal, that’s for sure!
If Jesus walked the earth today and didn’t have a job,
And talked of peace, and helped the poor, and – gasp – thought he was God,
Christians in their righteous rage might nail him to a cross,
Where he’d likely die without healthcare, since that comes from your boss.

Christians seem deluded since the Bible’s such a mess,
Conservatives seem selfish, but that’s their choice, I guess.
But now I’ll say it plainly, so please don’t throw a fit:
If you’re Christian and not liberal, you’re just a hypocrite.